Robots can't do everything.

I generally use the internet exclusively for going on Wikipedia and looking at porn, so this is new to me.

I love to talk. Truth be told I never really shut the fuck up. This isn't necessarily a bad thing however as the people subjected to my constant verbal onslaught seem to be in some way entertained. The light bulb in my head turned on and started to glow a brilliant red, and I decided I should start a blog. That's all blogs are right, just jackasses talking about essentially pointless but mildly entertaining shit to become popular? My only real goal in life is to become famous so I figured before I resort to lighting my pubic hair on fire for YouTube laughs I could start here, with this blog. 

I fancy myself somewhat of a good writer. At least thats what my mother always tells me, and she is never wrong. Besides what your reading now, the only other example of my writing prowess on the vast black hole of tits and dicks that makes up the internet is a movie named "Mother". Shameless product placement starting just about now; you should watch "Mother". It's fucking awful, well awfully awesome that is. It was made in twenty-four hours for a film festival here in the lovely city of Orlando. Long story short, the team leader went and picked up a sealed packet that included a genre, props, and shit that had to be creatively included into a five minute movie. It was to be written, directed, and edited in one day. This was surprisingly more difficult that I imagined, yet a hell of a good time. We completed our movie and made top twenty-four in the festival, the only horror movie to do so. I'm pretty fucking proud so watch my movie and support my genius. This is the last I'll speak of that, at least today I promise. 

So what is this blog about I'm sure your wondering at this point, if there is anyone who made it past paragraph number two that is. Basically it's going to be about whatever the fuck I want. Fortunately the only things that really interest me are SEX, VIOLENCE, DRINKING, and MOVIES.  There will of course be deviations from the norm, like today's first blog for instance. The theme of todays foray into the mind of a mad man is that "Robots can't do everything". 

This is a good point to stop as the rest of this is a profanity laden rant about my job as a physical therapist. Shit you may learn something...

Work sucks. Very few people like their jobs, and as a matter of fact most of the people reading this are probably at work killing time before they can get hard again and go jerk off in the bath room. I however, have, at the moment anyway, a pretty awesome job. Like most of the world I hate the fuck out of it, but I have to admit I have it easy. I work with my grandmother who is a LMT (licensed massage therapist) at a pain clinic and I am essentially her assistant and the office gopher. I get to call myself a "physical therapist" to get pussy, and I wear scrubs to work. Free food from medical companies bribing us all the time is one of many perks that also include; stealing random office shit such as pens and paper which cuts down on costs at home, staying clocked in when I leave early, being clocked in when I sometimes decide to just not show up, sleeping whenever I want, defeating their bullshit attempts at censorship and surfing the net freely, among other things that would probably make you cubicle drones salivate all over your BlackBerry. 

I am pretty grateful for getting paid $10 an hour as a twenty year old college guy. Contrary to popular belief I actual do a lot of work as well, I'm just better at time management then my coworkers. That and I don't do busy work, fuck that shit. I do treat patients and handle all of the scheduling, filing therapy charts, and I am the exercise guy. However, morally I am sick to my stomach at what goes on at facilities like this. Mark my words someday I will make a satirically movie about all this dirty undercover shit I know about. I deal with the scummiest people in the world, and the fucked up thing is they are the people we are supposed to trust; doctors and lawyers.

Usually this information and hatred is left bottled up inside me well I drink my misery away but recently management made a ground breaking decision in replacing my useless self...robotic massage. Sounds lovely doesn't it? One of the most intimate and hands on jobs anyone can even have is being replaced by some fucking robot named Thermo or something retarded.

Replace me with a mother fucking robot and I will bring your walls down. I wasn't feeling overly creative for my first entry so I'm just going to rant at how unbelievably fucking evil this business is.

Florida is a no-fault state when it comes to car accidents, which really just means when to people hit each other with their cars they sue the shit out of each other until someone's life is ruined. Naturally whoever is wealthiest will have a better lawyer and therefore win the case. This usually results in the other person's life being destroyed. Most of the time the patients I treat aren't even in pain and are just fakers working on their case. The real injured people that I would love to help, but can't, are left to fend for themselves and generally loose their jobs and then subsequently their cars, homes, family, etc. Fun isn't it.

It all starts with my disgustingly overweight, excuse me, ex-disgustingly overweight office manager. Liposuction does wonders to a five hundred pound greasy piece of shit now a days. This fat fucks entire job revolves around making lawyers want to send their clients to us after getting in a car accident. How does he does this you ask? It certainly isn't with his boyish good looks, as this crooked tooth mother fucker is as ugly as they come. He uses grotesque amounts of company money to take them out to expensive dinner and essentially just kisses their lying asses for hours on end. That is about it. Best job in the world if you don't mind being a giant scum bag. The only thing that he manages is the amount of Parmesan cheese he puts on his extra greasy large pizzas he eats for breakfast, lunch, and the dinner.

I've been working three long years at this hell hole at forty hours a week and I'm still not considered full-time. This is mostly due to the fact they "can't" afford it. Of course my fat managers fat daughter drives a Lexus to work and makes more money then I do, to quite literally do nothing. Her job description is to sit around and pretend like she is busy while she texts her buddies, and of course to fuck my friends. You know who you are. Hope you read this one day you little whore. I honestly don't give a shit though, I make enough money to have fun pretty much all the time and still pay my bills, and I never get hurt so the lack of health care that should be provided doesn't bother me too much. Three years and no raise isn't that strange I suppose. Interesting though how my job is constantly threatened at slow times because they are broke yet they can afford a $150,000 robotic massage thing.

Go ahead cut my hours even though I've been working their longer then half the staff. Vacation pay? Well the bosses daughter gets it instead of me, even though she works fifteen measly hours a week.

The biggest scumbag of them all is the owner. The doctor himself. The one person except maybe cops and firefighters whose sole purpose in life is to help people. This vindictive, dirty, conniving, goofy bastard is the godfather of scum. Remember all those free lunches I told you about? We get them from medical facilities such as MRI places and XRAY places. Every once in a while though the Oxycontin representative will grace us with his presence. This man's job is to convince is to prescribe his drug to everyone in the fucking world. His drug happens to be overly addictive. His drug happens to kill people. That's right folks kills people. With bribes of what I am assuming is grotesque amounts of money this asshole comes in here and caters to the greed of the good doctor. I'm sure you can imagine what he does. Fucked up isn't it? 

Now that all of that is off my chest I swear the rest of my blogs will be about sex, violence, and movies. This shit is entirely too depressing anyway. 

Thanks for reading folks, stick with me for the ride. I will be famous one day. 

Take a shot of vodka and love the Sox forever,

Boston Jon